IN BETWEEN

For those in need of soulfood, inspiration, a good giggle

Fabio, Umberto and ‘Cozze’…hell yeah!

Fabio called! No, not the flowing mane, Mills and Boon, goose whacked one. I’m talking Umberto’s son; tasked with the job of interpreting Umberto’s invitation to join them for dinner after a spot of sight seeing La Spezia’s best.

Quick brush up, onto train and 30 mins later I’m hurtling down narrow streets, being introduced to folk via the tiny Fiat’s windows and being given a running commentary on important buildings, churches and monuments…in splendid Italian for Umberto speaks not a word of English remember? (Fabio, where for art thou?)

20130713-143007.jpgI grasp enough to respond with ‘massiccia!’ (massive) as we drive up and around Italy’s main military and commercial harbor which hosts the arsenal of the Italian Navy, ‘mozzafiato! (breathtaking) while hugging the coastline affording spectacular views of warships, yachts and mussel beds and ‘e cosi bella!’ as we slip down into Porto Venere.

Pretty indeed! Porto Venere is a little town and commune which comprises the three villages of Fezzano, Le Grazie and Porto Venere, and the three islands of Palmaria, Tino and Tinetto. Also a World Heritage Site as are the villages of the Cinque Terra.

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20130713-142914.jpg It’s dusk and the many little bars and restaurants are beginning to fill with sunkissed tourists as we run by up a rocky promontory at the end of a series of old fortifications to the San Pietro church.

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The church blends into its environment, is small and somewhat forlorn but the aspect is ‘assolutamente spettacolare!’ (spectacular). It sits atop rugged cliffs that end in tiny beaches surrounded by an impossibly blue sea and above which towers the remains of the massive old Portovenere castle. Click, click…will photos do justice?

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A wander back through the village then break neck speed back to La Spezia in time to join Fabio and Annagarsia, Umberto’s lovely wife and indulge in huge buckets of ‘Cozze‘ and spaghetti at the Festival of the Mussel. Seems there’s a festival for everything culinary, can’t wait for the Gelato one!

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Fabio? Beautiful person, a relief to converse in English and to have him share my appreciation for their warm hospitality. Given we have another of these gigs planned late July, will be returning the hospitality when Fabio hits our Aussie shores; now that he feels a tad more assured that when they’re choosing Surfers, sharks are actually quite discerning.

Toothpaste and testicle crushers…

Dear diary…


Will my toothpaste for 7 to 13 year olds maintain my pearly whites through an excessive onslaught of cheap red wine these coming weeks? And will using fabric softener to wash my clothes cause long term damage? Just a tad of supermarket confusion, it will pass won’t it?

Does smirking while watching a tourist laboring to fork spaghetti into his mouth before resorting to sucking directly from the plate mean I’m not the nice person I thought I was? And why didn’t his wife offer to cut it up?

A local in the Village beckoned me over today, introduced his friends, poured glasses of Prosecco all round then launched into a rapid fire Italian conversation. It was really hard to keep up but do you think he might have been welcoming me into the fold? I’m pretty sure he meant me, not the bloke walking behind?

And would you 20130712-113148.jpgput the hot frothy milk and two sugars his crusty old friend, the one with the blood red eyes and shock of white hair, was drinking into the ‘baby-chino’ category? Or should I have kept my mouth shut?

Why are songs sung in languages other than English just not resonating yet that song coming from the fellow standing on top of the Colosseum video clip, who incidentally looks just like Dr Gregory House, sounds positively sexy?

Will finally getting the gist of an Italian soap plot because there’s Italian subtitles as well as voice mean I’m finally learning the language? And should I also get a trout pout, bright yellow tan and testicle crushing kick ass platform shoes too? No wait! It’s in Spanish!

Dear Diary…does this mean I’m finally a local?
Oh! And one more thing…do you think I will ever find a Limoncello I’ll like? How many bloody brands are there? Surely that would ‘complete’ my transition?

Meanwhile, some nice photos of Riomaggiore.

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DT’s and a few other disturbances…

Uh oh! lovely readers, I’m a tad disturbed! Male tourists are strolling through the Villages wearing just their DTs.* Here I am I’m sitting in a breezy little beachside restaurant sipping my Aperol when I hear the Scot at the adjoining table muttering ‘Walk doon beach leck dat e’ oome’nye’d be knifed ye wooud!’ to the back of his girlfriend’s head. She didn’t hear; too busy eyeing up a package in a pink pair, her expression vacillating between repulsion, curiosity and lust. Oh! and hey you! Yes you, stud over there proudly sporting the white ones? It’s not cold today my friend, not cold at all.

I’m also disturbed to see every female on the beach regardless of nationality, shape, size, age or original gender sporting a bikini. The ones that don’t entirely cover the butt cheeks. Clearly ‘de rigueur’ on the Italian Riviera. My elegant one-piece suddenly non ‘de-rigueur’  – my butt screaming otherwise.

And I’m particularly disturbed that, aside from the harsh disregard for ‘slip, slop, slap,’** I’ll need to hand over €20 for a ragged deck chair, a folded umbrella and the privilege of sitting on the grey pebbly beach in very close proximity to all that DT/bikini clad slow roasting flesh. Too cosy by far.

It’s all just too disturbing so I’ve poured another wine. Today I will think about the prospect of Australia clearing the national deficit in just one week by adopting a similar ‘pay for privilege’ beach plan. Tomorrow I will start a diet consisting of a single strand of pasta and an expresso. Needs must if I’m to ‘fit in’. Meanwhile, a few snaps to put you in this distressing moment (‘cept for the DT loving men – privacy and all that)

20130704-101419.jpg(Monterosso main beach)

20130704-101135.jpg(Taken in Nice, the same scene in Monterosso – uncomfortable pebbles)

* Speedo swimming trunks, commonly known as ‘Dick Togs’ ‘budgie smugglers’, ‘junk trunks’ and ‘Tonys’. (in honour of Tony Abbot, leader of the AU opposition party, who has a propensity for red ones)

**Slip on a shirt, Slop on sunscreen and Slap on a hat – an Australian anti-skin cancer campaign.

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